Sunday, March 29, 2015

if you don't

Well, it wouldn't be the first time that someone I loved didn't love me back.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

batshit

A video posted by Michelle Manriquez (@operativepm) on

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

"Ugh."

My mgrs have informed me that my signature word/expression is "Ugh."; something that always seems to come out of my mouth. I honestly didn't even notice. Maybe I AM negative. LOL. I know that "ugh" is probably the expression most used by and associated with judgmental people. :X

universal

 
I know I am a bit of a puzzle; to others, to myself. But with who I am, with my art, I WANT people to understand. I want to make it all open and easy to understand. I don't want to be so perplexing and unrelatable that only a select few people could possibly comprehend and connect. I want it to be universal; pertaining to my human condition. To yours. To ours. But those desires are mixed with the fact that I am actually not even nearly one the easiest people to relate to or understand. So you have this contradictory inviting accessibility coming from this sort of enigma; me. Even though I very much feel I am, and see myself as, an isolated, singular, disconnected being, in this particular way, through my art, I do wish to connect and be a part of humanity and the world. I want you to know. I want you to understand. I want you to see me as who I really am. #overanalyzersanonymous

Better

If you want to FEEL better, only compare yourself to your(yester)self. If you want to BECOME better, compare yourself to others. If you want to become the BEST, compare yourself to your inspirations.

Friday, March 20, 2015

"negative nancy"



I totally get why some people think I'm a buzz kill sometimes. Mortality is one of the most difficult things to accept about being a human in this reality, this world. And for some reason, I've been forever obsessed with it. But to speak of it, acknowledge, and consider it... it doesn't have to be a negative, dreadful thing. It isn't, to me. Not that I am constantly speaking of ugly realities, because I would much rather focus on the bright, shiny things, too. But to truly understand and appreciate the beauty of the bright, shiny, wonderful things in this life, you must acknowledge and consider all things dark, ugly and treacherous. You must, in order to really live fully.

Like, when I speak of things pertaining to existence, philosophy, and our realities (and I like to), to look at it with clear, sober eyes... it's not negative to me.

I don't think I am a negative person. Yes, I can be judgmental and cold at times, but I am the most optimistic, idealistic person I know. I have such grand, magical hopes and dreams. How can I even manage to have these dreams and actually work for them to be a reality if I really am a negative, pessimistic person?

I consider my mortality with everything I do.
I live my life to the fullest, knowing everything
can be taken from me at any moment.
I am so happy and grateful to have been
given everything I have been given.
I am a very happy, hopeful person...
with my eyes wide open.

It's because I have stared into the face of the ugly,
that I am able to live my life most beautifully.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

I am, and always will be, a loner.

I am not someone who craves company.
I am not someone that aches for human connection.
I do not want a lot of friends, or people around me in general.
Truth be told, I barely like any people at all on a close,
personal level, and I am not looking to change that.

I am not afraid to be alone like most other people seem to be.
I really like it. In fact, I prefer it.
I am, and always will be, a loner -- by choice.

I don't want beautiful friendships and
relationships with your everyday, flawed people.
People connecting with each other, finding love and kinship,
against all odds, in this often ugly world, to me,
is unexciting, uninteresting, undesirable.
I don't want to start a family and live a normal life
with someone who loves and cares for me.
I don't need love, security, stability, or approval.
I don't want just anyone to love me for me.
True, unconditional love is not my be-all end-all.
Accomplishment is. Growth is. Triumph is.
I wasn't born to enjoy life. I was born to fight. And I was born to win.
I need to achieve exceptional things and live an exceptional life.
I want to surround myself with a select few people I find exceptional.
I want us to push each other to reach our individual potential.
I want the world. For us; the very few that are truly like me.

I cannot be won. I cannot be bought.
How I feel about you has nothing to do with how
much you are there for me or what you've done for me.
How I feel about you has everything to do with the
thoughts, actions, and values you are made up of.
No matter what you do for me,
nothing will change how I feel about you.

I will get along with people just fine on a superficial level.
But I am simply not looking to let people in any deeper.
There is nothing you can do to permeate the walls I've built.
If I want you in -- and I just might -- I will throw you down a rope.
I will ask you to be a part of my life. You will know.
You will never have to wonder if you're wanted
because I would have made it so brazenly obvious.
But just know, this is almost never the case.

I hope this does not hurt you, as I don't aim to injure.
But even if it does, it will not change a thing.
So I ask for you to please let me be, as the loner I am. 
Beginning my life alone, involuntarily.
Sustaining then exiting my life alone, voluntarily.

You can think me cold and strange if you wish.
But this is who I am; a person I wholeheartedly love and embrace.

Let us live the lives we were given, and continue to connect
with each other through art, music, and the written word.