Thursday, July 24, 2014

Moving on. Diving in, headfirst.

I'm bored of what I've been doing. It's not that what I've created is boring -- I'm proud of my work. But I've just explored it enough. I think I'm done with Electro Pop for a bit. I've been making some more of it, and I'm just not as excited about or inspired with it anymore. My Electro Pop time and self is there in Spark!, This Is Love, and the following releases. I need to do something else fresher and more interesting to me, whatever that may be. Time to explore something else. Turn on my own heart and mind so I can turn yours on too.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

"hot girl"

I could very well be a "hot girl" if I wanted to. But why the fk would I ever want that? I'd rather perplex and turn people on, mentally. Even if it means turning them off in their nether regions. And a lot of the time, it does. Lmao. But if, by the teensiest chance, they're my kind of people, they will be turned on there too. Hahahahahahhaha.

Monday, July 14, 2014

My "24/7" Unwavering Confidence?

People often tell me that I'm really confident; a lot more confident than they are. And yeah, sure I am confident. But it's because I was rejected, betrayed, ostracized, and put down my entire life. Yes, from as far back as I can remember, I did have an innate fire within me to become great. But many seemed to have a problem with that. In my head, solidified the idea that everyone is my enemy... because they all were. Nobody was ever on my side. Nobody was ever there for me. No matter what I did. No matter how good I was to them. Just to clarify, I did not treat anyone as an enemy until they made it clear to me that, that's what they were.


So I diligently worked my ass off to become better and better and better. Better than them all. So I could stand tall , above them, and rub it in their faces. You know, in a way, getting revenge without really dirtying my hands by actually wronging another. I've succeeded in many ways. And I will continue to. So yeah, sure. In that there lies my confidence; being undeniably, unarguably better, smarter, cleverer, more talented, etc, than my naysayers. But you know I live my life assuming that, while worthy of admiration in a more distant, impersonal sense, everyone will hate me for who I am as a person, will only try to approach and befriend me for their own selfish gain, and will never genuinely want me around just for my company -- because that's all I've ever come to know of the people I've experienced in my life. Even and especially with the people I experience today.

Yes, I am confident, but I live my life seeing no one as a true friend. So keep that in mind when you think my confidence is so inborn and natural, and so damn unwavering.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

In A Man's World

Regardless of how over-the-top as she often can be, being an artist and performer, Nicki Minaj is spot on. ASPIRE FOR MORE, WOMEN. Don't settle for just being pretty, sexy, desirable, and nothing else just because men reward you for that and punish you for being their competition. Male approval should not be your goal.

This male dominated media (and world) is always pitting women against each other like this, like we're all these lowly, petty idiots that have nothing better to do than bicker with each other -- especially over the most trivial things!

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the most ridiculous shit come out of some male mouths. That women are overly emotional, irrational, and never in control because of their hormones. As if men are never emotional or irrational! If a man freaks out, it's just a guy losing his temper. If a woman does, she's hormonal or on her period? I always hear women are crazy... As if men always exercise good, rational sense with everything they do and are the only source of sanity in the world?! Yeah, every single woman's actions being solely dominated by and dependent on their hormones... I'm sure being innately heavily driven by your sexual organs never has any effect on the rationality of your decision-making. I hear that women aren't funny. Women aren't scientific. Women aren't technological. This and that... I guess it's just my hormones that make me want to fking choke you and bash your face in, not your fking infuriating, oppressive stupidity.

I know I'm ALREADY better than so many men out there. And let me tell you, I have absolutely been punished for it, many times. Well, fk you, sexist fuckfaces. This woman is better, more talented, and much smarter than you. And other women out there are, too. I'm not stopping. I hope more women will step up and reach for more, too, because we really are just as capable as men, if not more so. Power through the opposition and keep working and keep becoming better.

This doesn't need to be just a man's world.

Monday, June 23, 2014

"Flaky" Musicians + Artists

Musicians and artists have a bad rap for being flaky... but the thing is, if someone really wanted to work with you, they would be there. I know if Bjork, Chris Brown, Michel Gondry, Wes Anderson, or whoever else that I'm even slightly a fan of, asked me to work with them, I would be wherever they wanted me to be, not a second late. Sometimes it's just hard to tell someone that you're not (that) interested in working with them to their face. I'll bet you that, that is what all the "flaking" is about.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Music vs. Movies

Movies are a complete experience, but music can be a part of everything in your life, in so many different contexts. Movie-making is a beautiful thing, but music is magical.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

People like me.

So many people just want to be noticed, for reasons good or bad, as long as they hold attention. So many are willing to compromise so much of themselves for fame and money.

I don't need the spotlight. I don't need millions of dollars or followers. I don't need write-ups in big magazines. Those things don't mean much to me.

I'd just like to be understood and revered for who I am and what I'm about. Like, someone actually hearing me, feeling my own original work, and not just singing the words and dancing to a song written and produced by someone other than me, presented with an aesthetic founded in a marketing scheme, because everyone else in the crowd is doing it and that's what they feel they should do to fit in.

I'd much rather win the affections of the discriminating people who have a better sense and value of who they are. People that are and appreciate what is genuine. People that don't buy into hype. People like me.

In that way, I'd like to be a "somebody".
Oh, for better or worse, I've never been
able to compromise who I am.